Out of the frying pan...

And onto my own effing website.

Seriously, I don't know what you're still doing here. Go to my new effing website! Do it! Seriously!

-Jocelyn

So apparently people read my blog...

You know who's awesome?

CocoRosie.

You know who's an asshole?

Me.



Let me explain...

About three months ago, I contacted the press rep for CocoRosie asking for an interview for The God Project (which is on indefinite hiatus due to lack of response). I never received a response and kind of forgot all about it. I mean, the ladies of CocoRosie are awesome and busy and nobody reads my blog, right?

WRONG.

This morning, before trotting off to work, I decided to update you, gentle readers, with some random interesting news concerning the music bizznass. This update may or may not have included some news about a certain Devendra Banhart dating a certain Natalie Portman. For those of you who recall, Devendra Banhart was, until quite recently, dating the lovely Bianca of CocoRosie.

Now I may or may not have said something along the lines of "Best rebound ever. Too bad for whichever pseudo-lesbian of CocoRosie he used to be dating."

Seriously, I'm an asshole. All day at work I was like "I have to take that down when I get home. It's offensive to lesbians AND CocoRosie, both of whom I have no issue with." Unfortunately, it was too late, as at about 2:30 I received the following email:




Hey Jocelyn --

I was just going to write you about a new single that CocoRosie has coming out that deals with the subject of God but then I noticed that you called Bianca a pseudo lesbian on the site today so... thanks for reaching out but I think it's best if we pass on this opportunity.

Best -
Miranda




OOPS.

I mean really, guys, this situation is ridiculous. The ONE day that that line was ever on my blog, CocoRosie's press rep reads it and is like "Well F that S." I mean really, it's kind of hilarious. Also horrifying.

So, sorry Coco. And Rosie. You're not pseudo-lesbians. I'm sure you're wonderful people and you make really rad music. And I am just an asshole who has nothing better to do than make fun of people like Jens Lekman all day.

But really, it is kind of hilarious.

-Jocelyn

So Now You Know!

There's so much big news, guys, that I decided to consolidate it for purposes of faster consumption. Check it.

Devendra Banhart is dating... Natalie Portman?

Seriously. I didn't make this up. This makes sense, actually. I mean they're both well-respected artists who kind of annoy everyone. So I guess they're removing their annoying asses from the dating pool by hanging out with each other. Still, I blame this on Devendra's little featurette in Vanity Fair. He'll be on TRL in approximately four weeks (actually, he probably will because he shot a video with Natalie in it. WTF???).

There might actually be a good music festival in Vancouver

Now I'm not the biggest fan of The New Pornographers, but when they decided to announce an effing MUSIC FESTIVAL in Stanley Park, I decided to stop hating them. The lineup's not out yet, but I'm definitely going.

Goal: to attend as many music festivals as possible this summer, thus degrading into a total douchebag (Sasquatch, I'll see you soon).



Weezer continues to suck

Come on, seriously?



That is all.

-Jocelyn

Lyrics of the Day: Eclipse by The Beta Band

The people asking questions to the people with the answers.
The people with the answers ire the people with the questions.
So the people with the questions asked the people with the answers.
The people with the answers won't tell the people with the questions the answers.

So the people with the questions they ask the people with the answers.
But the people with the answers won't speak to them.
Because the people with the answers give the people with the questions.
just a little bit too hard a time to speak to.

I'm a man who likes to be alone.
I'm a man who likes to think alone.
I don't have too many answers, but I got a whole heap of questions.
I got a whole heap of questions that I won't hide from you.

So low, don't you smile you get high?

So the people with the books they went and stood up on the mountain
to get away from the people with no books.
The people with the books they started reading on the mountain but
they couldn't see a thing because the sky went dark.
I don't know where the cloud cover came from.
I'm just sitting here rocking on the station.

I don't want to be the type of guy
who lives alone, reading books, and never eats a pizza pie.
I don't want to be the type of person sitting alone with a book on my own.

With a book on my own.

The people with the questions got together
with the people with the books and left the answers out
So the people with the answers started to make their way over the hill
to meet the people with the questions and the people with the books

And we all live together on a little round ball.
We all sing together when the cuckoo calls.

I'm not the type best living alone.
Could we live together? Well, I don't know.

I'm not sitting here giving you a lesson.
So I'll just keep my mouth shut for the next few minutes.

Can't keep quiet for long.
I'm a human being.
Can't help singing a song.
I'm a human being.

You won't listen to me.
I'm not an authority.

So the people with the answers met the people with the questions
and the people with the books sat down.
They finally decided to sit around to talk about their problems
to see if they come up with some answers to meet the questions
and some questions to meet the answers.

Well, the leaves on the trees are green.
(Ok we're agreed on that.)
And the roads are not very clean.
(Ok we're agreed on that.)
And the food we eat is not very healthy.
(Ok we're agreed on that.)
And the music we make is not particularly good.
(Ok we're agreed on that.)
And the planets sort of revolve around the sun.
(Ok we're agreed on that.)
And the moon is a big ball with nothing on it, and I don't think anyone's ever been there.
(Ok, so we're kind of agreed to that. so what are we arguing about?)
Well, I don't know...
(Ok. So let's get together and smoke that pizza pie)

Some people with a pizza made me very high.
The people with the questions smile.
And the people with the answers lie.
They lie.

So no pizza for them.

Oh Man

Now I know I feign near-orgasmic excitement at an alarming rate, particularly on the subject of (duh) music, but there are few events in the world of music that are as soul-crushingly awesome as this:

David Byrne and Brian Eno are working on a new album together.

I know, I know, you're finding it hard to contain yourselves too ("Cool! That guy from The Talking Heads and... some other guy!") but try to hold your horses just a little while because this almost definitely totally sweet album won't be out until next year. Perhaps you should spend that time getting (re)acquainted with Brian Eno. Let me help you.

-Jocelyn

Video of the Day: Water Curses by Animal Collective

In case we weren't all obsessed with this song enough.



-Jocelyn

New Wolf Parade!

Remember when Wolf Parade came out with Apologies to the Queen Mary and it was awesome? Remember how that was like 47,275 years ago?

Well, apparently the guys of Wolf Parade have FINALLY taken a break from the 9,000 other bands they're in to record another album, which will be out in June. Yay!

In even more exciting news, their song "Call it a Ritual" has been posted on Stereogum. Thank you, Stereogum. Not sure how I feel about this song though. Perhaps you should check it out for yourself.

-Jocelyn

Raise Your Hand if You Love Animal Collective

That's what I thought. Check this out.

They've got a (most likely) kick-ass EP coming out on May 6th. I find it hard to contain myself.

-Jocelyn

Remember High School?

Oh, the nostalgia. Also, I love Youtube.













Conclusion: black nail polish and Chuck Taylors. And the crushing realization that nobody will ever understand me, ever.

-Jocelyn

Video of the Day: Nantes by Beirut

Thanks, Joe.



What a babe.

Lyrics of the Day: The Good Times Are Killing Me by Modest Mouse

The good times are killing me.

Here we go.

Got dirt, got air, got water and I know you can carry on.
Shrug off short-sighted false excitement and oh what can I say?
Have one, have twenty more "one mores" and oh it does not relent.

The good times are killing me.

Kick butt buzz-cut dickheads who didn't like what I said.
The good times are killing me.
Jaws clenched tight we talked all night, oh but what the hell did we say?
The good times are killing me.

The good times are killing me.
The good times are killing me.

Fed up with all that LSD.
Need more sleep than coke or methamphetamines.
Late nights with warm, warm wiskey.
I guess the good times they were all just killing me.

Got dirt, got air, got water and I know you can carry on.
The good times are killing me.
Enough hair of the dog to make myself an entire rug.
The good times are killing me.
Have one, have twenty more "one mores" and oh it does not relent.
The good times are killing me.
Shit-kicker city slickers who all wanted me dead.
The good times are killing me.
Get sucked in and stuck in late nights with more folks that I don't know.
The good times are killing me.

The good times are killing me.

Yay! Deerhunter!

Ok, remember when I said that Deerhunter was broken up forever, never to return? Apparently I lied. I love being wrong.

Check it.

-Jocelyn

Album Review: Full Moon Film by Karl Mohr

When it rains, it pours. For example, this writer was recently hit by not one but TWO tragedies. First, my hard drive magically stopped existing, giving me cause to bring my computer (which is six months old, by the way, and a MAC, which I was under the impression never break) to the hospital for a brain transplant. Then, to add insult to injury, I came down with a bad case of the plague and missed a bunch of work. That's right, I was sitting at home. Sick. WITHOUT A COMPUTER.

Yeah, it was terrible. I did pretty much an entire book of logic problems. I now officially hate logic problems. I also managed to work my way through High Fidelity, Flight of the Conchords, and Season One of Wonder Showzen, which is soul-crushing but wonderful.

Anyway, you get the idea. It was pretty boring. Luckily, though, I received a piece of mail that temporarily cracked the tedium. It was a lovely little album by Karl "Dance Party" Mohr, who you may remember from the last two posts (I'm thinking of renaming my blog "The Mohr Show." What do you think?), and a note wishing me "butterflies and miracles."

Butterflies and miracles, indeed, gentle readers. More like vampires and 80s theme parties. Or perhaps butterflies and miracles from beyond the grave.

Needless to say, I love it. Not that I don't love the whole synth-rock-emo-pop thing that is so hot right now in independent music, particularly in Canada. It's just that it's awfully refreshing to see something different. Something dark, but not pretentious, and certainly not emo.

Anyway, on to Full Moon Film...

The album opens with "The Slut Within," which singlehandedly earns Karl his "Dance Party" nickname. Then he takes it down a notch with "All Good Seasons," which features a few choice bars from the Canadian national anthem. I know I'm supposed to be a writer and everything, but it's hard for me to describe that using anything other than the word "awesome."

And the awesome just continues with "Storyline," which makes me want to clean my house. For those of you who know me, you understand that this is a big deal. Rarely is anything so motivating. Go Karl.

Aside from a possibly pointless cover of "She's a Rainbow" by the Rolling Stones (sorry Karl, I'm a cover snob), the rest of the album is all up and up from there. It's all a great, wonderful journey into the mind of Karl, whose mind, it seems, looks like a 4am rave among the ruins of a very old European cathedral. It's a journey I am be happy to travel again.

I was worried, upon receiving this album, that I would hate it. I mean, it's one thing to pick on Jens Lekman, who will probably never read this blog and doesn't care what I think anyway, but I don't want to say mean things about nice people who send me music. I can safely say, though, to my relief and delight, that my fears were unjustified. Full Moon Film is, in short, a rad, rad album. Karl Mohr is definitely going places. Watch out, Spencer Krug. There's a new next David Byrne.

And that's the way it is.

- Jocelyn

P.S. Karl has been nice enough to provide you, my loving readers, the demo for "Storyline," which is, as previously alluded to, pretty much the best song ever. Pretty much. Download it here. Also check out his website. Do it.

Video of the Day: These Fine Feathers by Karl Mohr

Dudes, check it.



-Jocelyn

Interview: Laugh Out Loud

You know, most of the time I kind of hate Myspace. I mean, first of all, it's pretty much the slowest-loading website ever to exist. Also, it's positively PACKED with spam. I keep it, though, because bands use Myspace to round up new fans and I enjoy being rounded up (oh yes). Recently, I was rounded up by a charming boy named Eric Reid and his (sort of) one-man band, Laugh Out Loud, who graciously granted me an interview. Here is what transpired:

Jocelyn: So you play all the instruments on your recordings yourself, correct? How does that process work? How do you translate that into live shows with other musicians?

Eric: That is correct and incorrect .. I write the songs by myself, come up with what parts I think would sound cool .. and where they would sound cool in the songs and then I record them. My producer and long time friend Karl Mohr gives his input and ideas... which are, more often than not, good ideas. He's a better piano player than me so something that would take me 9 takes to hack out he gets through in one take.

Live is a totally different feel... where i play most of the instruments the music has a lot of my vibe, and then live the musicians follow that vibe but kind of do what they want with it as well.

Jocelyn: Which do you prefer, recording or performing?

Eric: Definitely recording. I find it difficult working with other people and arranging how the songs should be played...when it's just Karl and I recording we both really get each other and what we're going for. I get really stoked off like crazy little production tricks.. like when you hear a beach boys record they have some many little sweet nothings that they throw in.. like a tamborine panned totally to the left with like 50 other things going on all around... and then live its just kind of more focused on the raw energy. I like being able to just do everything i guess... maybe i should hire a 50 piece band or something.

Jocelyn: Does Karl play in your live shows with you?

Eric: Laugh Out Loud has never even played in ontario. I'm currently on a rock and hes in Toronto. We're getting a place this summer to record the new album and then we will play together... I'm really excited to be back on mainland and playing shows with a band.

Jocelyn: How exactly did you end up in Newfoundland?

Eric: I really dont know.. I was really tired (oh the eighteen year old angst) and just kind of wanted to chill out for a couple of years.. so I went to music school in the Atlantic... my dad told me about the program and I said sure... I didnt go to much school at all first year. I just wrote songs and met cool people. I was totally into the live band last year.

Jocelyn: Well the live band is pretty great. I like the curly guy with the brown sweater.

Eric: Haha Bart Pierson is the greatest person in the entire world. We had this really staight up guy in the band who was really into the 'fine tunings' like he would tune after every song and make sure all diminished chords shone out through his perfect guitar tones.. and onstage Bart would like detune his own guitar and grind it against shit that was close to him... He was definitely awesome to have in the band

He lives in St. John's now and his afro is so huge and I don't think hes working.. but every time I see him he tells me about his recordings that he does on his casette player and at the end of every song he trashes his room a bit more.

Jocelyn: Dude's exciteable.

Eric: He's a sweetheart though.

Jocelyn: Obviously. He has a brown sweater.

Eric: Yeah he worked at a thirft store and got great discounts on discounts.

Jocelyn: Oh that is a good friend to have.

So you've got live shows in Newfoundland with the band and recordings in Ontario with Karl, but the music is all you. How does it feel to be a one man dance-rock party?

Eric: The dance parties are both Karl and myself... we wet each others whistles and scream like girls. We do Abba and barber shop boy harmonies while eating watermelon and spitting the seeds at each other (it feels like summer).

Jocelyn: That's beautiful.

A lot of the subject matter in your music is pretty dark, but it's delivered in a funny way. Is that just kind of how you operate or was it a conscious decision?

Eric: Some people say that its me being self concious of my music and diguising darkness with humor... but I'd like to think that my music can get people stoked enough to dance and then when its not saturday night dance fever they can read the lyrics and get a kind of deeper meaning... It's kind of like if you put an I'm From Barcelona song on like "Pearl Harbour"... kind of that ironic twist or something? I don't really feel self concious about my music though.

Jocelyn: How does the songwriting process work for you?

Eric: I am always recording guide tracks. I'll be fucking with the piano or guitar and come up with some sort of a cool melody and I'll record it just singing "do-do"s and "la-la"s and I'll say write down the chords and give myself a remind to have like an Abba-ish bridge in the middle or something. Like so I get the general feeling.. so I'll have a bunch of guide tracks all waiting in a folder and then when I have a cool idea for a song I put lyrics to the "la-la"s and then brainstorm other instrument possibilities.

Jocelyn: Besides making music, how do you spend your time?

Eric: I spend a lot of my time reading I'm currently obsessed with Stephen King. He's not even a horror writer. He is to an extent but there's so much more shit going on with his writing, I can sit for hours reading his books. He's amazing. I work at a movie rental place right now and I get like 3 free movie rentals a day, so I've seen every b-list actor horror movie on the market.

Jocelyn: Haha. Zombies? It's all about zombies.

Eric: Oh my god, I've seen them all. The older the better. What do you do?

Jocelyn: Watch Flight of the Cochords. Over and over. Also, I spend a lot of time ripping pictures out of magazines and putting them on my wall. I lead a fascinating life.



Eric: Do you play/write music?

Jocelyn: Nah. I leave that to people who know what they're doing. I'm a writer. It works out better for everyone that way. Secretly though, I'd love to be in a Pixies cover band and just sing all of Kim Deal's parts. She has the best parts.

Eric: Haha The Pixies are garbage now. They look like melted candles and they sound like they're starting to force it.

Jocelyn: Oh I don't really pay much attention to them now. But back in the day when they were cool and I was like four, we were tight.

Eric: Haha DO NOT Google image search them then, you'll kill your inner child. Alright sorry for sidetracking your interview.

Jocelyn: Ha. It's cool. No worries.

Eric: Let it be our interview. It's a product of us both, like a child.

Jocelyn: Yes. Our interview baby. Can we name it Alphonsis?

Eric: Is that a gender-friendly name? If so, then the answer is no. She shall be Patricia.

Jocelyn: I don't know why you get to name her. I did all the work. You just got to do the fun parts. I want to name her Astrid.

Eric: You're right. I'm fucking chopped liver. Astrid it is. She has your eyes as well as your spite.

Jocelyn: Well spite is a dominant gene. Ok! What music do you listen to when you're feeling shitty and you want not to?

Eric: Usually when I feel shitty I listen to music that makes me feel shittier... I dont know why. "Black Sheep Boy" by Okkervil River is always a good anchor to sink me into the black pit of depression. Placebo's "Without You I'm Nothing" does the trick too. As far as happy music, I love The Beach Boys, older Bowie, The Boy Least Likely To is really happy... so is Jens Lekman... all that is pretty genius music.

Jocelyn: Yeah nothing makes you feel worse like Okkervil River, God bless 'em

Eric: Hahaha.

Jocelyn: So you like to wallow?

Eric: Hahaha. No but sometimes I guess it feels nice being in that darker place and it can be hard to get out. I'm generally pretty happy.

Jocelyn: Well good. I'm generally a proponent of happiness, although misery has its perks.

Eric: We see eye to eye. Astrid shall grow to be a well-rounded woman and a leader.

Jocelyn: Of course she will. She is a gifted child. What is your favourite Laugh Out Loud song?

Eric: My very favourite is one that isn't yet recorded. I've been working on it for like 7 months. I usually spend 20 minutes writing a song, so it really is a different breed... but it has everything in it. It's my Astrid. As of already recorded I'd say "Smile."

Jocelyn: When do you think this mystery song will be finished cookin'?

Eric: I'm recording another record this summer. The song is pretty much cooked.

Here's the recording process: I pay $100 per song and I have unlimited recording time, but with this gem in particular I've been hiring on a bunch of players (violin, cello, viola, saxophone, flute & trumpet) so it'll probably end up costing me a lot more. It's my magnus opus though, so it deserves some special treatment.

Jocelyn: That's an exciting endeavor!

Eric: Woo!

Jocelyn: Well that's about it, I expect. Do you have anything else you'd like to say to my loyal readers?

Eric: Don't Google image search The Pixies in their 2008 form.

Jocelyn: Wise words.

Again and Again and Again, live in Newfoundland (check out the curly guy in the brown sweater).


As you can see, Eric and I are in love. You can testify to that in court when I sue his ass for child support.

Oh, and go to his Myspace page and listen to his amazing music. Dude's only 19. It's pretty impressive.

-Jocelyn

Lyrics of the Day: Unsolved Mysteries by Animal Collective

"Oh, look at me,"
That sweet boy's plea
His mother cried
"My child's tied his laces!"
Why must we move on
From such happy lawns
Into nostalgia's palms
And feed on the traces?

So you hop to the dance
Or embarrass the parents
Who should I please?
I go to sleep worrying.

Their blood in the dark
Will attract the sharks
Who are not violent
We've all got hungry bellies.

But where are the skin and bones?

So you look at me with your one eye
When you look at me with your blue eye
So you look at me with the inner eye

And all was tame
And all was daggers anyway
Stop crying like a child

And all was greying
And all was aging anyway
Stop growing in the wild

But I feel like i'm lost in those

When you look at me with your green eyes
When you look at me with your black eyes
When you look at me with your dead eyes

And I can't understand when holding her hand
So womanly, I have to go kiss her.
And what a surprise to look in those eyes
To find suddenly, he is Jack the Ripper.
Too suddenly, he was Jack the Ripper.
There he goes.

Stop crying like a child
She stopped crying like a child
Jack the Ripper
Jack the Ripper
Jack the Ripper

Concert Review: Josh Ritter

Once upon a time there was Josh Ritter, and he was good but not that exciting. He was also playing a show in Vancouver the day after the Mountain Goats, leaving a certain girl to wonder, "which of these bands that I am really only lukewarm on shall I go to see?" Then a certain girl saw a certain video, and the decision was made.



Look at that! They actually explode! After watching this video, I was certain that Josh Ritter was the man I must see live. So off we trotted, my cousin and I, to the Commodore Ballroom on Friday the 23rd. The show was flawless, apart from the set list (which I now have). For some reason, Joshipoo decided to OPEN with his two BEST SONGS. This is never a good plan, as it will cause many members of the audience (myself included) to wonder "why am I still here?" Not, of course, that there weren't other highlights after "Mind's Eye" and "To the Dogs or Whoever" (which really did explode, as promised), but they were few and far between. One "Girl in the War" sing-along does not a concert make, my friends. And it's best really if you don't get me started on the pitiful encore.

Don't get me wrong, it was a great show, and Josh and the band had amazing energy. In my experience, however, the biggest most exciting song is saved for the end, perhaps even the encore. NOT, as Josh would have it, the first five minutes.

He totally touched my hand though, it was awesome.

That is all.

Covers Galore

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a band, in admiration of another band (or perhaps in jest), will occasionally do a cover song. Covers are particularly tasty little morsels as they provide us, the idle listener, with insight into the dynamics of inter-band relationships. Whether created out of fandom or hatred, cover songs are pretty damn entertaining.

Cover songs also come in many different delicious flavours. Read on:

THE SUPER EMO COVER OF A MEDIOCRE POP SONG
This kind of cover is unfortunately popular, and not even the best artists are immune. Whether it's The Magic Numers' cover of "Crazy in Love" by Beyonce (minus the Jay-Z rap, which as we all know is the best part of that song), or Alanis' super cheesy cover of "My Humps", these super emo gems are really just nuggets of crap. Except, of course, for one noteable exception.

The award for Best Super Emo Cover of a Mediocre Pop Song goes to...

THE "HEY YA!" SING (AND CLAP) ALONG
Another popular cover, the "Hey Ya!" sing-along has popped up everywhere so often, that there no longer unexpected places to find it. Whether it's Tilly and the Wall or my friends Tristan and Max at an open mic in a church basement, it's hard to make something special out of a bunch of people just singing along to an already very special song. There is one group, however, who I believe have achieved this goal.

The award for Best "Hey Ya!" Sing (and Clap) Along goes to...

The Wellington International Ukulele Orchestra



THE GOOD SONG MADE BETTER
The goal of covers, one would assume, is (or should be) always to take a song and improve it. This goal, however, is rarely reached. When it is reached, though, it is so so sweet.

The award for Best Good Song Made Better goes to...

Peach, Plum, Pear (Joanna Newsom) - Final Fantasy



THE GOOD SONG MADE WEIRDER
Not much to say here. Just listen:




THE REALLY REALLY RIDICULOUS COVER OF AN ALREADY REALLY RIDICULOUS SONG
Perhaps my favourite category of cover song, ridiculous covers are, in my opinion, the spice of life. I can't really say anything about the winner in this category, except "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA."

The award for Best Really Really Ridiculous Cover of an Already Really Ridiculous Song goes to...

My Sharona (The Knack) - Polysics


And finally, it's time for the best cover ever to exist ever in the world, also from the previous category. There has never been, nor ever will there be, a better cover than this cover. It is also impossible to find. Or, it was, until I hunted it down for you, my loyal readers, and, of course, your EXCLUSIVE downloading pleasure. May I present, without further delay, the greatest cover song ever done EVER:

Hot in Herre (Nelly) - Pipes You See, Pipes You Don't

-Jocelyn

P.S. Thanks very much to Pete for sending me the above file. It is super appreciated.

Lyrics of the Day: Grounds for Divorce by Wolf Parade

Grounds for Divorce

Said you hate the sound
Of the busses on the ground
Said you hate the way they scrape their brakes all over town
So pretend it's whales
Keeping their voices down
Such were the grounds for divorce I know

On the radio
And the bouncing bodies drone
Found eigteen reasons I can't pick up on the phone
Said look at the clouds
It's a show all on its own
Such were the grounds for divorce I know

But the dialing is dead
we hit it on the head
It looked like a wedding cake
But the dialing is dead
We hit it on the head
It looked like a newlywed

But I look at the lovers
In the telephone stands
And the way they move and the way they move their hands
And I look at their babies
And their tiny little hands
And the way they get loved and the way they get loved

Oh look at the lovers
In the telephone stands
And the way they move and the way they move and the way they move their hands

Said you hate the sound
Of the busses on the ground
Said you hate the way they scrape their brakes all over town
So pretend it's whales
Are keeping their voices down
Such were the grounds for divorce I know

Looked like a newlywed

On the radio
And the bouncing bodies drone
Found eighteen reasons I can't pick up on the phone
Said look at the clouds
It's a show all on its own
Such were the grounds for divorce I know

Love Sucks!

In honour of the most craptastic holiday ever to exist, I have compiled a few songs about how love is pretty much a terrible idea. F that S right in the A, dudes.

We Love Love!

In honour of Valentines Day, the best holiday ever, I have compiled a selection of lovely love songs that you and your love will totally love.

Love, Jocelyn

Oh, Juno

Lest I'm the last person to blog about this...

Recently, as part of my super fun "I hate the world" phase I'm happily going through at the moment, I've become totally sick of all my music. Even my happy song (as previously mentioned, "Plasticities" by Andrew Bird) makes me nothing short of bummed. As a result I haven't been listening to anything.

Anything, that is, except the Juno Soundtrack. Let me start at the beginning.

For Christmas I received a gift card to Urban Outfitters, which is awesome and everything except that there's nothing good at Urban Outfitters anymore. I did drop in a little while back, however, to the Urban Outfitters on Granville St. here in Vancouver in the hope of finding some rad bedding for my bed, as I was sick of sleeping on sandpaper (AKA Ikea sheets). Unfortunately, the most annoying song in the world (lyrics to follow) was playing in the Urban Outfitters as I discovered that they had removed the bedding from their store because it wasn't selling well. Two things were going through my mind: "Why would Urban Outfitters get rid of the only cool thing they sell?" and "Why does Urban Outfitters feel the need to play the shittiest music I've ever heard just because they feel it is trendy?"

These are the words to that unfortunate song I'd hoped never to hear again:

The flower said, "I wish I was a tree."
The tree said, "I wish I could be a different kind of tree."
The cat wished that it was a bee.
The turtle wished that it could fly really high into the sky
Over rooftops and then dive deep into the sea.

And in the sea there is a fish,
A fish that has a secret wish,
A wish to be a big cactus with a pink flower on it.
And in the sea there is a fish,
A fish that has a secret wish,
A wish to be a big cactus with a pink flower on it.

And the flower would be its offering
Of love to the desert.
And the desert, so dry and lonely,
That the creatures all appreciate the effort.
And the rattlesnake said, "I wish I had hands
So I could hug you like a man."
And then the cactus said, "Don't you understand?
My skin is covered with sharp spikes
That'll stab you like a thousand knives.
A hug would be nice, but hug my flower with your eyes."

And then it all repeats and it's super annoying and seriously, what the hell?

Anyway, fast forward to a couple weeks later and I decided that I needed to see Juno. As my one free movie pass only applies to the movie theatre that never has good movies like Juno, and I live below the poverty line, I decided it was appropriate for me to watch it for free via the internet. So shoot me. I'll make up for it by totally buying Juno when it comes out on DVD because it is my movie soul mate. Diablo Cody, you are a shining example to those of us who went to Catholic school and were like "well, fuck that."

Unfortunately, however, that super annoying cd they were playing on that super annoying day at Urban Outfitters was the soundtrack to Juno. Of course upon realizing this, I was like "of course, Urban Outfitters was playing the soundtrack of like the trendiest indie movie since Garden State. Way to be predictable, Urban Outfitters." Unfortunately again, that stupid annoying song got stuck in my head for what has now been at least a week and a half. What's worse, I'm afraid, is that I've actually started to like it. I've actually started to like the whole stupid soundtrack with all those stupid songs by Kimya Dawson and the worst Velvet Underground Song ever and Antsy Pants and Belle & Sebastian, whom I loathe, and well actually I've always been down with Mott the Hoople (some things are just genetic)...

And do you know why, gentle readers? Do you know why I'm listening to and apparently enjoying this stupid crap way more than the good music I normally listen to? I'll tell you. It's because unlike the intricate and articulately crafted pieces of art I normally enjoy, the Juno soundtrack is HAPPY. It's HAPPY and it's CUTE and it's CATCHY and no wonder it outseated Alica Keys (please) to be the number one selling album in all the world or something like that.

So I'd just like to say, that I'm sorry for hating you, Kimya Dawson, because apparently you make me happy. Also, I'm sorry for being mean to Jens Lekman because apparently he's a very nice person.

That is all.

p.s. This is the closest approximation to the soundtrack that I could create on Project Playlist. Just be a pal and support something being successful for a good reason and buy it yourself.

-Jocelyn

Video of the Day: Josh Ritter on Letterman

Not that I'm bragging or anything, but i will shortly be seeing him live. Oh yes.

Lyrix of the Day: Happiness by Built to Spill

Yo, check it:

Happiness by Built to Spill

Haven't had half a hand in half of what I am
Haven't heard of half the things that happened in the past
Haven't given half a time to half the people half the things I've planned
You don't have to be so cruel cause all I do is a little less than what I can

Happiness will only happen when it can
Happiness will only happen when it can

Haven't haven't the half of mind to stay and start to take a stand
Haven't held on half as long as I had hoped, as I had hoped and planned
Haven't missed half the shit they said I had to have to have a chance
You don't have to be so cruel cause all I do is a little less than what I can

Happiness will only happen when it can
Happiness will only happen when it can
Happiness will only happen when it can
Happiness will only happen when it can

The God Project

For those of you who don't know, I've recently had a slight existential crisis that started me on the search for God. I decided pretty quickly that the best way to make lemonade out of this situation would be to ask some musicians what their thoughts on God were and compile them for a super-cool project. So far, so good.

I set up a separate blog for The God Project (as it is tentatively called), as the tone is seriously different from the tone of Pretending to be Japanese (PTBJ = ridiculous, TGP = intense, sort of). So, guys, check it out!:

The God Project

-Jocelyn

Other Best Video Ever

Also,

Best Video Ever

I have no words for this:

Shit

I ask you this, gentle readers, how is anyone supposed to live in a world without Heath Ledger?

Video of the Day: Bob Wiseman and Feist - Who am I?

Guys, meet my new friend Bob.

Lyrics of the Day: By Your Side by CocoRosie

While listening to these lyrics, it's easy to see how Devendra Banhart and either Coco or Rosie dated/are dating (they really need to have Us Weekly for indie musicians so I can be up on the details).

"By Your Side" by CocoRosie

I'll always be by your side
Even when you're down and out
I'll always be by your side
Even when you're down and out
I just wanted to be your housewife

I'll iron your clothes
I'll shine your shoes
I'll make your bed
And cook your food
I'll never cheat
I'll be the best girl you'd ever meet
And for the diamond ring
I'll do these kinds of things
I'll scrub your floor
Never be a bore
I'd tuck you in
I do not snore
I'd wear your black eyes
Bake you apple pies
I won't ask why
And I try not to cry

I'll always be by your side
Even when you're down and out
I'll always be by your side
Even when you're down and out

And it's nearly midnight
And all I want with my life
Is to be a housewife
Is to be a housewife
'Cause it's nearly midnight
And all I want with my life
Is to die a housewife
Is to die a housewife

Songs That Make You Feel Better

It's hard sometimes, in the dead of winter, to find things that make you happy. This is particularly true in Vancouver, where the sun sets at 4:30 and it wasn't even really out to begin with because it's ALWAYS RAINING. Who chooses to live in a rainforest? Well, me apparently, but that's another story.

Anyway, Lately I've been coming home from work in progressively bad moods. To remedy this, I found several songs (available legally for free download. How delightful!) that lift my spirits, if only for a few minutes. Without further delay, here they are:

-Andrew Bird - "Plasticities" (Daytrotter session)
"Plasticities" (more commonly referred to as "my happy song") is just so simple and beautifully constructed. I find it hard to imagine that I'm the only one who finds it hard not to love.

-Final Fantasy - "Peach, Plum, Pear" (Joanna Newsom cover)
Perhaps I shouldn't be talking about this song, what with my looming cover songs update that will undoubtedly mention it, but it's my blog and I'll do what I want. "Peach, Plum, Pear" is possibly one of the best songs ever written. The only thing that makes it better is the fact that Joanna Newsom isn't singing it. No offense to her, of course. Having to listen to her voice is, in my opinion, a small price to pay to get to listen to her music. It is a relief, however, to get to listen to her music beautifully arranged and sung by someone else. I'm just saying.

-Antony and the Johnsons - "Hope There's Someone"
No, it's not exactly a happy song, but listening to Antony sing is in itself a pleasure. That combined with the amazing and intense way this song ends makes it no less than a treat for the ears, tacky though it may sound.

-Band of Horses - "The Great Salt Lake"
It's a strange phenomenon, I suppose, that technically unhappy songs have the ability to make a person feel better. But for me, it's not about tone or lyrics so much as the beauty of the finished product. I love Ben Bridwell's voice and I adore the melodies he sings in this song. That plus envisioning the nerdy little smile he has on his face while performing, and how can you not feel good, really?

-Rogue Wave - "Eyes"
I can't find words to describe this song because I'm listening to it right now and I'd much rather do that than write. It's just lovely, that's all.

-Built to Spill - "Happiness"
(Ok, I lied about all of them being downloadable. Some jerks are signed to Warner. There's nothing I can do about it. That's what Limewire is for, not that I advocate illegal activity or anything.)
I forgot about this song for quite a while and rediscovered it today. I wasn't even really paying close attention but it pulled me in with the line "Happiness will only happen when it can." An important thing to remember, folks! And besides, winter will be over soon enough.

-Jocelyn

Lyrics of the Day: Lover by Devendra Banhart

Instead of a real update, I thought I'd entertain you with the lyrics to "Lover" by Devendra Banhart, because they're just so funny.

Well I, I wanna be your lover
I wanna be your man
I want you to understand

And I, I wanna open your door
And love you 'til you're sore
That works for - wait a minute, wait a minute
Yeah

I wanna be your thing, your anything, your everything, oh yeah

And I, I wanna fill your cup
Fill it up, fill it up to the brim with love
That works for - wait a minute, wait a minute

You'll never have to ask
I'll fill you my sweet glass
I'm gonna mesmerize your ass
Just give me my first chance, it's gonna be the last
I'm gonna make you wanna stay

I, I wanna be your cow
Give you all the milk around town
Let me see, let me see you drink it down
I, I wanna be the pear tree
I want you to climb all over me
Try my fruit and taste my seed

Climb right on me, lay it on me
C-c-climb right on me, l-l-lay it on me

Just let me do my thing
Until you start to sing
I'm going down you all night long
I'm gonna build a bond
I'm pulling out my wand
It feels so right it can't be wrong

Yeah

Well I, I wanna be your lover
I wanna be your man
I want you to understand

And I, I wanna be your lover baby
I wanna be your girl
Blow a kiss and change the world

We're gonna make it through
You got me and I got you
Your bleeding heart's at my command
If you don't love me too
Then being friends will do
Long as you let me in your bed



Oh, Devendra.

-Jocelyn

Boo Insound

So in case you haven't noticed, the albums on the side of the blog have been REMOVED because they linked to Insound, which used to be a really great/cool company and is now officially owned by Warner.

I hate it when that happens.

-Jocelyn

Artist Spotlight: Battles

Those of you who are avid readers of my blog (nerds + my mum) probably have guessed that there is no band I love more than Animal Collective. You also probably have noticed that i lament the fact that there isn't more music like what Animal Collective creates. In fact, there isn't any. Or at least, there wasn't until I discovered my favourite band of the week, Battles.

No, they're not really like Animal Collective, but they do have a similar alien quality about them. They're sort of like what would happen if Animal Collective and Explosions In The Sky had a really funky, electronic baby. A warning though, they're not for the faint of heart. Their music is structured a bit like techno, but their sound is almost like hardcore. It's a bit hard to describe, actually, without using the term "math rock," which I am reluctant to do. It sounds a bit too much like "psych folk" and all those other fake genres that artists (rightfully) hate.

Reguardless of what you call them, however, Battles are pretty great. The guys are extremely talented musicians who create something together that is greater than the sum of its parts. It's hard while listening to their music to imagine that it was created by humans, which is why the decision to put themselves performing in their music videos was such a good one. It gives the listener/watcher a frame of reference for how this music even exists.

So, without further delay, I present their 2007 release, Mirrored, in its entirety, along with two music videos for your viewing pleasure.

Continue if you dare.

-Jocelyn

"Atlas"


"Tonto"