Oh, Juno

Lest I'm the last person to blog about this...

Recently, as part of my super fun "I hate the world" phase I'm happily going through at the moment, I've become totally sick of all my music. Even my happy song (as previously mentioned, "Plasticities" by Andrew Bird) makes me nothing short of bummed. As a result I haven't been listening to anything.

Anything, that is, except the Juno Soundtrack. Let me start at the beginning.

For Christmas I received a gift card to Urban Outfitters, which is awesome and everything except that there's nothing good at Urban Outfitters anymore. I did drop in a little while back, however, to the Urban Outfitters on Granville St. here in Vancouver in the hope of finding some rad bedding for my bed, as I was sick of sleeping on sandpaper (AKA Ikea sheets). Unfortunately, the most annoying song in the world (lyrics to follow) was playing in the Urban Outfitters as I discovered that they had removed the bedding from their store because it wasn't selling well. Two things were going through my mind: "Why would Urban Outfitters get rid of the only cool thing they sell?" and "Why does Urban Outfitters feel the need to play the shittiest music I've ever heard just because they feel it is trendy?"

These are the words to that unfortunate song I'd hoped never to hear again:

The flower said, "I wish I was a tree."
The tree said, "I wish I could be a different kind of tree."
The cat wished that it was a bee.
The turtle wished that it could fly really high into the sky
Over rooftops and then dive deep into the sea.

And in the sea there is a fish,
A fish that has a secret wish,
A wish to be a big cactus with a pink flower on it.
And in the sea there is a fish,
A fish that has a secret wish,
A wish to be a big cactus with a pink flower on it.

And the flower would be its offering
Of love to the desert.
And the desert, so dry and lonely,
That the creatures all appreciate the effort.
And the rattlesnake said, "I wish I had hands
So I could hug you like a man."
And then the cactus said, "Don't you understand?
My skin is covered with sharp spikes
That'll stab you like a thousand knives.
A hug would be nice, but hug my flower with your eyes."

And then it all repeats and it's super annoying and seriously, what the hell?

Anyway, fast forward to a couple weeks later and I decided that I needed to see Juno. As my one free movie pass only applies to the movie theatre that never has good movies like Juno, and I live below the poverty line, I decided it was appropriate for me to watch it for free via the internet. So shoot me. I'll make up for it by totally buying Juno when it comes out on DVD because it is my movie soul mate. Diablo Cody, you are a shining example to those of us who went to Catholic school and were like "well, fuck that."

Unfortunately, however, that super annoying cd they were playing on that super annoying day at Urban Outfitters was the soundtrack to Juno. Of course upon realizing this, I was like "of course, Urban Outfitters was playing the soundtrack of like the trendiest indie movie since Garden State. Way to be predictable, Urban Outfitters." Unfortunately again, that stupid annoying song got stuck in my head for what has now been at least a week and a half. What's worse, I'm afraid, is that I've actually started to like it. I've actually started to like the whole stupid soundtrack with all those stupid songs by Kimya Dawson and the worst Velvet Underground Song ever and Antsy Pants and Belle & Sebastian, whom I loathe, and well actually I've always been down with Mott the Hoople (some things are just genetic)...

And do you know why, gentle readers? Do you know why I'm listening to and apparently enjoying this stupid crap way more than the good music I normally listen to? I'll tell you. It's because unlike the intricate and articulately crafted pieces of art I normally enjoy, the Juno soundtrack is HAPPY. It's HAPPY and it's CUTE and it's CATCHY and no wonder it outseated Alica Keys (please) to be the number one selling album in all the world or something like that.

So I'd just like to say, that I'm sorry for hating you, Kimya Dawson, because apparently you make me happy. Also, I'm sorry for being mean to Jens Lekman because apparently he's a very nice person.

That is all.

p.s. This is the closest approximation to the soundtrack that I could create on Project Playlist. Just be a pal and support something being successful for a good reason and buy it yourself.

-Jocelyn