Out of the frying pan...

And onto my own effing website.

Seriously, I don't know what you're still doing here. Go to my new effing website! Do it! Seriously!



So apparently people read my blog...

You know who's awesome?


You know who's an asshole?


Let me explain...

About three months ago, I contacted the press rep for CocoRosie asking for an interview for The God Project (which is on indefinite hiatus due to lack of response). I never received a response and kind of forgot all about it. I mean, the ladies of CocoRosie are awesome and busy and nobody reads my blog, right?


This morning, before trotting off to work, I decided to update you, gentle readers, with some random interesting news concerning the music bizznass. This update may or may not have included some news about a certain Devendra Banhart dating a certain Natalie Portman. For those of you who recall, Devendra Banhart was, until quite recently, dating the lovely Bianca of CocoRosie.

Now I may or may not have said something along the lines of "Best rebound ever. Too bad for whichever pseudo-lesbian of CocoRosie he used to be dating."

Seriously, I'm an asshole. All day at work I was like "I have to take that down when I get home. It's offensive to lesbians AND CocoRosie, both of whom I have no issue with." Unfortunately, it was too late, as at about 2:30 I received the following email:

Hey Jocelyn --

I was just going to write you about a new single that CocoRosie has coming out that deals with the subject of God but then I noticed that you called Bianca a pseudo lesbian on the site today so... thanks for reaching out but I think it's best if we pass on this opportunity.

Best -


I mean really, guys, this situation is ridiculous. The ONE day that that line was ever on my blog, CocoRosie's press rep reads it and is like "Well F that S." I mean really, it's kind of hilarious. Also horrifying.

So, sorry Coco. And Rosie. You're not pseudo-lesbians. I'm sure you're wonderful people and you make really rad music. And I am just an asshole who has nothing better to do than make fun of people like Jens Lekman all day.

But really, it is kind of hilarious.


So Now You Know!

There's so much big news, guys, that I decided to consolidate it for purposes of faster consumption. Check it.

Devendra Banhart is dating... Natalie Portman?

Seriously. I didn't make this up. This makes sense, actually. I mean they're both well-respected artists who kind of annoy everyone. So I guess they're removing their annoying asses from the dating pool by hanging out with each other. Still, I blame this on Devendra's little featurette in Vanity Fair. He'll be on TRL in approximately four weeks (actually, he probably will because he shot a video with Natalie in it. WTF???).

There might actually be a good music festival in Vancouver

Now I'm not the biggest fan of The New Pornographers, but when they decided to announce an effing MUSIC FESTIVAL in Stanley Park, I decided to stop hating them. The lineup's not out yet, but I'm definitely going.

Goal: to attend as many music festivals as possible this summer, thus degrading into a total douchebag (Sasquatch, I'll see you soon).

Weezer continues to suck

Come on, seriously?

That is all.



Lyrics of the Day: Eclipse by The Beta Band

The people asking questions to the people with the answers.
The people with the answers ire the people with the questions.
So the people with the questions asked the people with the answers.
The people with the answers won't tell the people with the questions the answers.

So the people with the questions they ask the people with the answers.
But the people with the answers won't speak to them.
Because the people with the answers give the people with the questions.
just a little bit too hard a time to speak to.

I'm a man who likes to be alone.
I'm a man who likes to think alone.
I don't have too many answers, but I got a whole heap of questions.
I got a whole heap of questions that I won't hide from you.

So low, don't you smile you get high?

So the people with the books they went and stood up on the mountain
to get away from the people with no books.
The people with the books they started reading on the mountain but
they couldn't see a thing because the sky went dark.
I don't know where the cloud cover came from.
I'm just sitting here rocking on the station.

I don't want to be the type of guy
who lives alone, reading books, and never eats a pizza pie.
I don't want to be the type of person sitting alone with a book on my own.

With a book on my own.

The people with the questions got together
with the people with the books and left the answers out
So the people with the answers started to make their way over the hill
to meet the people with the questions and the people with the books

And we all live together on a little round ball.
We all sing together when the cuckoo calls.

I'm not the type best living alone.
Could we live together? Well, I don't know.

I'm not sitting here giving you a lesson.
So I'll just keep my mouth shut for the next few minutes.

Can't keep quiet for long.
I'm a human being.
Can't help singing a song.
I'm a human being.

You won't listen to me.
I'm not an authority.

So the people with the answers met the people with the questions
and the people with the books sat down.
They finally decided to sit around to talk about their problems
to see if they come up with some answers to meet the questions
and some questions to meet the answers.

Well, the leaves on the trees are green.
(Ok we're agreed on that.)
And the roads are not very clean.
(Ok we're agreed on that.)
And the food we eat is not very healthy.
(Ok we're agreed on that.)
And the music we make is not particularly good.
(Ok we're agreed on that.)
And the planets sort of revolve around the sun.
(Ok we're agreed on that.)
And the moon is a big ball with nothing on it, and I don't think anyone's ever been there.
(Ok, so we're kind of agreed to that. so what are we arguing about?)
Well, I don't know...
(Ok. So let's get together and smoke that pizza pie)

Some people with a pizza made me very high.
The people with the questions smile.
And the people with the answers lie.
They lie.

So no pizza for them.


Oh Man

Now I know I feign near-orgasmic excitement at an alarming rate, particularly on the subject of (duh) music, but there are few events in the world of music that are as soul-crushingly awesome as this:

David Byrne and Brian Eno are working on a new album together.

I know, I know, you're finding it hard to contain yourselves too ("Cool! That guy from The Talking Heads and... some other guy!") but try to hold your horses just a little while because this almost definitely totally sweet album won't be out until next year. Perhaps you should spend that time getting (re)acquainted with Brian Eno. Let me help you.



Video of the Day: Water Curses by Animal Collective

In case we weren't all obsessed with this song enough.


New Wolf Parade!

Remember when Wolf Parade came out with Apologies to the Queen Mary and it was awesome? Remember how that was like 47,275 years ago?

Well, apparently the guys of Wolf Parade have FINALLY taken a break from the 9,000 other bands they're in to record another album, which will be out in June. Yay!

In even more exciting news, their song "Call it a Ritual" has been posted on Stereogum. Thank you, Stereogum. Not sure how I feel about this song though. Perhaps you should check it out for yourself.



Raise Your Hand if You Love Animal Collective

That's what I thought. Check this out.

They've got a (most likely) kick-ass EP coming out on May 6th. I find it hard to contain myself.



Remember High School?

Oh, the nostalgia. Also, I love Youtube.

Conclusion: black nail polish and Chuck Taylors. And the crushing realization that nobody will ever understand me, ever.