Christmas Wishlist

So I had this brilliant idea for an update.* I tell everybody what to get their friends and family for Christmas, in what may turn out to be shameless product plugs. So, thus ends the confusion of what to do for Christmas gifts, guys. Check it out:

Dads:

The White Stripes - Icky Thump
It is a commonly known fact that dads love Led Zeppelin. Most dads, however, have already listened to everything by Led Zeppelin so many times in their 50-odd years of existence that they're sick of it. Enter the White Stripes. While not nearly as epic, Jack White (the only member of the White Stripes who matters) has a vaguely Led Zeppelin-esque quality about him. His music is usually, if not always, a throw-back to the straight-up Rock and Roll of our dads' youth. Thus, dads love the White Stripes. Haven't you noticed?

Mums:

Antony & The Johnsons - I Am a Bird Now
I don't know about your mum, but my mum loves gay men and singing black women. Thus, I couldn't think of a better album to get my mum for Christmas than I Am a Bird Now by a singing gay man who sounds like a black woman (note to mum: I am not actually getting you this, as you asked for olives and coctail napkins). This album, I'm sure, would please mothers other than my own. I mean, mums love it when bluesy-sounding dudes sing bluesy-sounding songs. It touches their soul or something.

Geeks:

Daft Punk - Alive
Not that you have to be a geek to like Daft Punk, just that geeks almost definitely do like Daft Punk. Anyway, Alive is an absolutely incredible live (duh) album from these French agoraphobes that anyone who likes Daft Punk even a little bit would probably pee themselves listening to. I'm not a geek (duh), but I definitely want this one for Christmas. Hi Mum!

Really Really Pretentious People:

Sigur Ros - Heima
Really really pretentious people are more apt than the average bear to like Sigur Ros. One can conclude, then, that really really pretentious people are more apt than the average bear to want this super-special DVD recording of various free concerts Sigur Ros played in Iceland in 2006. Whatever floats your boat and finds your lost remote, guys.

Teenage Girls:

Band of Horses - Everything All The Time
Unfortunately for the world, the whole emo thing hasn't really gone out of style with the teenage girls yet. Fortunately for teenage girls, Band of Horses is still doing the whole emo thing. I chose 2006's Everything All the Time over 2007's Cease to Begin because Cease to Begin is like Everything All The Time only not as good. Plus I feel that all teenage girls really just want to subject horny teenage boys to "The Funeral" and then ask them how it makes them feel.**

Teenage Boys:

The Blood Brothers - Young Machetes
Point #1: Teenage boys have a higher tolerance for hardcore than the general population. The Blood Brothers are a way for them to piss off their parents while actually listening to good music.
Point #2: It may seem cruel to give these boys an album by a band that no longer exists, but if there's anybody who's going to go on to bigger and better things, it's the dudes from the Blood Brothers. And, as teenage boys sometimes grow into cool people, they will be better able to appreciate these bigger and better things if they know where they came from.

Emo Kids:

Rivers Cuomo - Alone
Sure, it'll be late (the release date is January 8th), but that will just give your beloved emo kid another reason to be emo. Emo kids love that stuff. They also love Weezer (though nearly always specify OLD Weezer). Thus, they will definitely love this undoubtedly super-emo release from the king of emo himself, Weezer front-man Rivers Cuomo. I mean really, what could be a more emo album title than "Alone?" Alone is what emo kids are (possibly because they're so infuriatingly emo), so they'll definitely love this album.

Hippies:

Bob Marley and the Wailers - Exodus (30th Anniversary Edition)
I'm not sure if you're familiar with the clothing store Roots, but up here in Canada, it's like the best store ever... for tourists (and expats). I used to work there. Anyway, the owners (who are American), spent some time dodging the Vietnam draft down in Jamaica before they came up to Canada instead (I think they heard the pot was better). As a result, the playlist in the stores consists of A LOT of reggae. As a result, I do now and forever will hate reggae. Sorry, reggae. I know it's not your fault, but I just can't listen to you ever again without getting irrationally angry. But there are people who can, and for those people this is a pretty great album.

People With No Taste In Music:

Jens Lekman - Night Falls Over Kortedala
Possibly I'm going to be torn a new asshole for recommending Jens Lekman to people with no taste in music, but I just think his music sucks. His lyrics are great though. This album is definitely for people who are really into lyrics. That's my justification.


Children:

Sufjan Stevens - Songs for Christmas
I can't think of anyone making really good music today who is more kid-friendly than Sufjan Stevens. And really, there's no reason kids can't learn to love good music at an early age. You COULD get them the Spice Girls Greatest Hits album, but you'd be running the risk that they, like me, would still fall victim to the Spice Girls' brilliant marketing schemes at age 20. Don't be like me, kids! Like good music!

Collectors:

Pink Floyd - Oh, By The Way
You'd have to really love this person/be ridiculously wealthy/go in together on this gift with 19 of this person's closest friends to pay $270 for their Christmas gift, but I can't think of a music collector who wouldn't want a boxed set of ALL of Pink Floyd's albums ever, packaged as mini replicas of their records right down to the tiny album sleeves. That's just really cool.

People Whose Taste In Music Transcends What Others Tell Them Is Cool:

U2 - The Joshua Tree Deluxe Edition
For those people willing to admit that U2 was once a great band (despite the obvious fact that they no longer are), The Joshua Tree Deluxe edition is pretty much the best gift ever. Because (duh) The Joshua Tree is pretty much the best album ever. You can't say that in public without running a serious risk of being punched in the face. Anyway, this two disc edition of the BEST ALBUM EVER features all sorts of b-sides and liner notes and anything a fan of THE BEST ALBUM EVER could want. I'll be locking my doors tonight.***

So that's it, guys. Happy Shopping!

-Jocelyn

* - When I say I came up with this idea, what I mean is my mum emailed me to suggest I do a Christmas Wishlist for my blog.
** - Answer: horny. Everything makes teenage boys feel horny. This is a scientific fact.
*** - Yes, mum. I lock my doors EVERY night.