Lyrics of the Day: Unsolved Mysteries by Animal Collective

"Oh, look at me,"
That sweet boy's plea
His mother cried
"My child's tied his laces!"
Why must we move on
From such happy lawns
Into nostalgia's palms
And feed on the traces?

So you hop to the dance
Or embarrass the parents
Who should I please?
I go to sleep worrying.

Their blood in the dark
Will attract the sharks
Who are not violent
We've all got hungry bellies.

But where are the skin and bones?

So you look at me with your one eye
When you look at me with your blue eye
So you look at me with the inner eye

And all was tame
And all was daggers anyway
Stop crying like a child

And all was greying
And all was aging anyway
Stop growing in the wild

But I feel like i'm lost in those

When you look at me with your green eyes
When you look at me with your black eyes
When you look at me with your dead eyes

And I can't understand when holding her hand
So womanly, I have to go kiss her.
And what a surprise to look in those eyes
To find suddenly, he is Jack the Ripper.
Too suddenly, he was Jack the Ripper.
There he goes.

Stop crying like a child
She stopped crying like a child
Jack the Ripper
Jack the Ripper
Jack the Ripper

Concert Review: Josh Ritter

Once upon a time there was Josh Ritter, and he was good but not that exciting. He was also playing a show in Vancouver the day after the Mountain Goats, leaving a certain girl to wonder, "which of these bands that I am really only lukewarm on shall I go to see?" Then a certain girl saw a certain video, and the decision was made.



Look at that! They actually explode! After watching this video, I was certain that Josh Ritter was the man I must see live. So off we trotted, my cousin and I, to the Commodore Ballroom on Friday the 23rd. The show was flawless, apart from the set list (which I now have). For some reason, Joshipoo decided to OPEN with his two BEST SONGS. This is never a good plan, as it will cause many members of the audience (myself included) to wonder "why am I still here?" Not, of course, that there weren't other highlights after "Mind's Eye" and "To the Dogs or Whoever" (which really did explode, as promised), but they were few and far between. One "Girl in the War" sing-along does not a concert make, my friends. And it's best really if you don't get me started on the pitiful encore.

Don't get me wrong, it was a great show, and Josh and the band had amazing energy. In my experience, however, the biggest most exciting song is saved for the end, perhaps even the encore. NOT, as Josh would have it, the first five minutes.

He totally touched my hand though, it was awesome.

That is all.

Covers Galore

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a band, in admiration of another band (or perhaps in jest), will occasionally do a cover song. Covers are particularly tasty little morsels as they provide us, the idle listener, with insight into the dynamics of inter-band relationships. Whether created out of fandom or hatred, cover songs are pretty damn entertaining.

Cover songs also come in many different delicious flavours. Read on:

THE SUPER EMO COVER OF A MEDIOCRE POP SONG
This kind of cover is unfortunately popular, and not even the best artists are immune. Whether it's The Magic Numers' cover of "Crazy in Love" by Beyonce (minus the Jay-Z rap, which as we all know is the best part of that song), or Alanis' super cheesy cover of "My Humps", these super emo gems are really just nuggets of crap. Except, of course, for one noteable exception.

The award for Best Super Emo Cover of a Mediocre Pop Song goes to...

THE "HEY YA!" SING (AND CLAP) ALONG
Another popular cover, the "Hey Ya!" sing-along has popped up everywhere so often, that there no longer unexpected places to find it. Whether it's Tilly and the Wall or my friends Tristan and Max at an open mic in a church basement, it's hard to make something special out of a bunch of people just singing along to an already very special song. There is one group, however, who I believe have achieved this goal.

The award for Best "Hey Ya!" Sing (and Clap) Along goes to...

The Wellington International Ukulele Orchestra



THE GOOD SONG MADE BETTER
The goal of covers, one would assume, is (or should be) always to take a song and improve it. This goal, however, is rarely reached. When it is reached, though, it is so so sweet.

The award for Best Good Song Made Better goes to...

Peach, Plum, Pear (Joanna Newsom) - Final Fantasy



THE GOOD SONG MADE WEIRDER
Not much to say here. Just listen:




THE REALLY REALLY RIDICULOUS COVER OF AN ALREADY REALLY RIDICULOUS SONG
Perhaps my favourite category of cover song, ridiculous covers are, in my opinion, the spice of life. I can't really say anything about the winner in this category, except "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA."

The award for Best Really Really Ridiculous Cover of an Already Really Ridiculous Song goes to...

My Sharona (The Knack) - Polysics


And finally, it's time for the best cover ever to exist ever in the world, also from the previous category. There has never been, nor ever will there be, a better cover than this cover. It is also impossible to find. Or, it was, until I hunted it down for you, my loyal readers, and, of course, your EXCLUSIVE downloading pleasure. May I present, without further delay, the greatest cover song ever done EVER:

Hot in Herre (Nelly) - Pipes You See, Pipes You Don't

-Jocelyn

P.S. Thanks very much to Pete for sending me the above file. It is super appreciated.

Lyrics of the Day: Grounds for Divorce by Wolf Parade

Grounds for Divorce

Said you hate the sound
Of the busses on the ground
Said you hate the way they scrape their brakes all over town
So pretend it's whales
Keeping their voices down
Such were the grounds for divorce I know

On the radio
And the bouncing bodies drone
Found eigteen reasons I can't pick up on the phone
Said look at the clouds
It's a show all on its own
Such were the grounds for divorce I know

But the dialing is dead
we hit it on the head
It looked like a wedding cake
But the dialing is dead
We hit it on the head
It looked like a newlywed

But I look at the lovers
In the telephone stands
And the way they move and the way they move their hands
And I look at their babies
And their tiny little hands
And the way they get loved and the way they get loved

Oh look at the lovers
In the telephone stands
And the way they move and the way they move and the way they move their hands

Said you hate the sound
Of the busses on the ground
Said you hate the way they scrape their brakes all over town
So pretend it's whales
Are keeping their voices down
Such were the grounds for divorce I know

Looked like a newlywed

On the radio
And the bouncing bodies drone
Found eighteen reasons I can't pick up on the phone
Said look at the clouds
It's a show all on its own
Such were the grounds for divorce I know

Love Sucks!

In honour of the most craptastic holiday ever to exist, I have compiled a few songs about how love is pretty much a terrible idea. F that S right in the A, dudes.

We Love Love!

In honour of Valentines Day, the best holiday ever, I have compiled a selection of lovely love songs that you and your love will totally love.

Love, Jocelyn

Oh, Juno

Lest I'm the last person to blog about this...

Recently, as part of my super fun "I hate the world" phase I'm happily going through at the moment, I've become totally sick of all my music. Even my happy song (as previously mentioned, "Plasticities" by Andrew Bird) makes me nothing short of bummed. As a result I haven't been listening to anything.

Anything, that is, except the Juno Soundtrack. Let me start at the beginning.

For Christmas I received a gift card to Urban Outfitters, which is awesome and everything except that there's nothing good at Urban Outfitters anymore. I did drop in a little while back, however, to the Urban Outfitters on Granville St. here in Vancouver in the hope of finding some rad bedding for my bed, as I was sick of sleeping on sandpaper (AKA Ikea sheets). Unfortunately, the most annoying song in the world (lyrics to follow) was playing in the Urban Outfitters as I discovered that they had removed the bedding from their store because it wasn't selling well. Two things were going through my mind: "Why would Urban Outfitters get rid of the only cool thing they sell?" and "Why does Urban Outfitters feel the need to play the shittiest music I've ever heard just because they feel it is trendy?"

These are the words to that unfortunate song I'd hoped never to hear again:

The flower said, "I wish I was a tree."
The tree said, "I wish I could be a different kind of tree."
The cat wished that it was a bee.
The turtle wished that it could fly really high into the sky
Over rooftops and then dive deep into the sea.

And in the sea there is a fish,
A fish that has a secret wish,
A wish to be a big cactus with a pink flower on it.
And in the sea there is a fish,
A fish that has a secret wish,
A wish to be a big cactus with a pink flower on it.

And the flower would be its offering
Of love to the desert.
And the desert, so dry and lonely,
That the creatures all appreciate the effort.
And the rattlesnake said, "I wish I had hands
So I could hug you like a man."
And then the cactus said, "Don't you understand?
My skin is covered with sharp spikes
That'll stab you like a thousand knives.
A hug would be nice, but hug my flower with your eyes."

And then it all repeats and it's super annoying and seriously, what the hell?

Anyway, fast forward to a couple weeks later and I decided that I needed to see Juno. As my one free movie pass only applies to the movie theatre that never has good movies like Juno, and I live below the poverty line, I decided it was appropriate for me to watch it for free via the internet. So shoot me. I'll make up for it by totally buying Juno when it comes out on DVD because it is my movie soul mate. Diablo Cody, you are a shining example to those of us who went to Catholic school and were like "well, fuck that."

Unfortunately, however, that super annoying cd they were playing on that super annoying day at Urban Outfitters was the soundtrack to Juno. Of course upon realizing this, I was like "of course, Urban Outfitters was playing the soundtrack of like the trendiest indie movie since Garden State. Way to be predictable, Urban Outfitters." Unfortunately again, that stupid annoying song got stuck in my head for what has now been at least a week and a half. What's worse, I'm afraid, is that I've actually started to like it. I've actually started to like the whole stupid soundtrack with all those stupid songs by Kimya Dawson and the worst Velvet Underground Song ever and Antsy Pants and Belle & Sebastian, whom I loathe, and well actually I've always been down with Mott the Hoople (some things are just genetic)...

And do you know why, gentle readers? Do you know why I'm listening to and apparently enjoying this stupid crap way more than the good music I normally listen to? I'll tell you. It's because unlike the intricate and articulately crafted pieces of art I normally enjoy, the Juno soundtrack is HAPPY. It's HAPPY and it's CUTE and it's CATCHY and no wonder it outseated Alica Keys (please) to be the number one selling album in all the world or something like that.

So I'd just like to say, that I'm sorry for hating you, Kimya Dawson, because apparently you make me happy. Also, I'm sorry for being mean to Jens Lekman because apparently he's a very nice person.

That is all.

p.s. This is the closest approximation to the soundtrack that I could create on Project Playlist. Just be a pal and support something being successful for a good reason and buy it yourself.

-Jocelyn